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#3 - BurningSorrow

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September 1st, 2010

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03:31 pm - #3
So i know have i not posted everyday like i said i would but hey ppl forget some times. I am sitting at home looking out the window and man is it freaking cold. But another update. I go in for blood work on tuseday. It sucks cuz they still cant find out whats wrong with my knee. and it sucks. I am worried. Because they are testing for things i never though i would ever have to be tested for. But once i know i will be happy to knwo what going on with me. lol. I am so bored. Everyone is all off back at school. And i will be home alot more alone. I have my schooling from home that i work on all the time. But you know i will get it done. Then i have to upgrade soon i need a better english for my social work univeristy stuffs. Lol So What else can i add on to here. I have no life currently but thats life. Every one is busy. BUT BONUS. I most likely will get to see CLAIRE soon. I am so excited i never really have spent to much time with her since that summer when we all hung out all the time. When we were all close. But i want to change that with some on the ppl. I miss claire the most. I talk to like Alex and Brittany but thats about it from the summer. Every one else all took the wrong turns in life and have made it hard to hang with. It sucks but its all good. Lisa is now in Lethbridge and it sucks cuz i dont get to see one of my best friends in like ever. I will get to see her once in while. But i did get to see her one last time before she left. We spent like 5 hours just sitting in my truck out in the middle of no where just talking about everything in life. I am going to miss thoughs times with her. She and i have been through so much together. And we both no that no matter what we will always have each other no matter the distance apart we are. And i love her for that. I am starting to see that i dont really have many GOOD friends anymore. But thats ok. They ones i have are the ones that matter most. Its weird to think about the freinds i had growing up. are not the ppl you thought that they will be or would be. They are far from it.  But thats a part of growing up. I am starting a diet plan and such. And i will be really happy once i start looking better. and i get to bring my horse home soon. That i am excited about. My life is starting to fall in to place finally. and it about time. Lexi is off to college and i am sooooooo proud of her. Claire is back in unny and i proud of her... Lisa as well, everything it better. Even me.... I will be going back to school. But this time... UNIVERISTY WOOT WOOT. lol

I have been doing alot of thinking and i am worried about some things. Like me and my boy him and i are so different its scary. Like he doesnt like country stuff at all. and i am a big country head. Its weird. I know its going to be really hard to talk to him about anything that has to do with what i love. But How far is love willing to go to make it work.??? I ask my self that all the time. How far am i willing to go not talking about what i love in life and what i want.???? How far am i willing to push it all aside for love??? I would love to know the answers to those questions. I know alot of ppl ask the same things and they dont even know what to say. I wish i had some one to talk to about this stuff. Help me and give me advice on this stuff. But i dont.  But i will have figure out that i want right. Forever is not really forever anymore. And thats what i am see. We tell eachother we will be together forever. Really? How long is forever anymore? Does he really think that Death Due Us Part is true???? Does he think that i am the only one for him???? I Dont know. Dont i know that i want to be closed off forever??? Do i want to be some one i am not for ever???? Do i want to be with some one for ever that hates what i love??? I just dont know. And i know when this is read by certian ppl they will comment or call me or talk to me about all this. And be like i didnt know you felt this way. I dont even know how i feel anymore. Every is so different and new and weird and just fucked. What do you think i should do???? I feel so far away from where everything should be..... I feel no guidance... i feel alone.... i feel lost. What to do... Should i turn to God??? Should i go to church??? Will the bible help???? I donno anymore. HELP.
Current Location: Canada, Cochrane
Current Mood: fuck
Current Music: Closer to Love by Matt Kearney

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